When I die the obituaries is probably going to read something like:

Last man to follow some crazy tradtion of eat habbits dies! As discovered by the Institute of Etiquette and Social Graces, the last man on earth who observed a dwindling amount of table manors dies. The following table manors are now no longer found to be observed simulatenously anywhere:

Not slurping*, not placing your face directly over your plate, not scraping the metalwear with one's teeth, breathing normally when ingesting food instead of sounding like your stroking yourself towards orgasm, chewing with one's mouth open, talking with a mouth so full of food you're practically sharing it with everyone, not shovelling your food so fast as if any minute you might get chased away, chewing so hard that your teeth clap together to sound like someone bunting a baseball.

I seriously think I just might be one of the last men on Earth and probably of my generation to observe such simple mannorisms when eating.

I mean, WTF, do you not hear yourself when you chew with your mouth open?! What does that fork taste like!? I'm so glad the food is stimulating an orgasm for you but could you learn how to breath through your nose or something? You're not Fat Bastard, learn some god damned table manners!

 

*-Slurping occasionally acceptable when eating noodles or drinking hot beverages.