The Struggling Teenager (Interview with Myself)

Introduction: So I'm not sure as to what year it was when I had this chat with myself (probably around 16-18). I thought I'd share it just as something that other readers that age might identify with and perhaps come away with something better when thinking about themselves. I also recommend this process of self exploration as it is recommended by professionals.

So...

How are you?

I am depressed.

Whats up?

Well I guess its that I can't get along with the majority of you.

Why?

Well... I guess that I don't fit in with any of you.

Why?

Well several issues I am very concerned about.

What?

Well the sides of the issues I am concerned about conflict, I really feel like I have no allies or people I can relate to. I have to be a fake in order to preserve the friendships I have and hide what I am so passionate about.

Why are you so sure you cannot be yourself?

Because that leaves me open to attack and ridicule which I have been enduring and for the majority of my time here, trying to avoid.

Why do you breed such conflict?

Well like I said its what I am passionate about. Its made me somewhat anti-social, I rarely talk to anyone I know, even avoid talking to some. I haven't talked to friends that I made from high school in a long time, they were good friends for the most part but because we cannot see eye to eye I see no practicality in our friendships.

How are they so different from you?

Well, in a certain perspective we are very much the same in opposites. You understand? For example I have a few redneck friends and a few evangelical friends, I seldom bring up issues that would cause conflict but I feel its my duty as a human being to do as such, but I don't, so now I avoid them.

So stop avoiding them.

Well I can't really do that, they don't even live on the same coast I do.

Why not call them?

And what am I going to say? Its not like my life is all that interesting and calling just to say, "Hi." just seems idiotic.

Its not idiotic.

Yes you are right. It preserves relationships, but every conversation is the same: "Hey man. Haven't talked to you in a while. So you working? Hows college? New girlfriend? Seen anyone from H.S.? Any new games? Seen any movies? Ya I don't know when I'll be visiting again. Alright peace." So it might preserve a relationship but nothing substantial is accomplished.

I see. Why don't you make new friends?

Well use the previous answers as reference to why, also, I think my personality is fucked up.

Well you are a bit of a negative nelly.

Ha ha ha. Yes but thats not who I try to be. I am not like some fucking fagot emo or a goth. I don't try to project negativity onto other people, I don't bring up subjects that would lead to my persecution, I try to be as positive as I can and be that smiley face zombie that society wants you to be. Some how they see something though that I am not aware of, I carry myself differently somehow and they mark me in their cross hairs for destruction. Its been this way since I moved out of California, since the 5th grade, endless boundless ridicule and hate and its not like I am that different from other males, I love women, loud music, danger, and adventure, I think I am fairly good looking so as for being targeted because of my looks I think is on the bottom of list as reasons for people hating me.

You mention that you love women, have you had much success there?

Well, no, its completely my fault, I make too many mistakes.

What do you mean?

Well before I drew back into my shell, I tried to be more expressive and aggressive as I could be for someone coming out of their shell. Say, for example, a turtle poking its head out to investigate its environment for the first time in 10 years. I was (and still am) very awkward. I came across as a wierdo, stalker type, I never followed the girls that I was interested around or constantly write them love notes or try to talk to them, however, I did try a couple of times to conveniently be placed in predicaments where we would be together, somewhere on the scale of "accidentally bumping into each other or trying to get a dance, or some school related event.

Sounds innocent.

Ya but for someone like me at the time who wasn't at all popular and was associated with social defectors its wasn't.

What about now?

Well I practically fear society.

How so?

Well with how I have been treated throughout my life it shouldn't be a surprise that I shy away. I want to be with people so much, but I am afraid of them just as much. I can't make eye contact with a girl. I can look at her, but once we make eye contact it triggers the thought that "Great... she must think I am just a pervert checking her out." or "God guy take a picture, freak." "Why is this ugly guy looking at me?" no positive thoughts ever come out, its especially awkward in confined areas like subway trains to see a beautiful girl sit across from you and have to avoid making eye contact as much as possible. I do really think women, for the most part are above me, some unattainable treasure or something. I really have tried to move past my fears but its incredibly difficult and I hate myself for it.

You know that lots of women feel the same way.

Yes, but its a mind block in hand with past experiences, bad experiences, and its not like you can just look at someone and go, "They feel the same way I do, she should be totally be approachable." I mean they say it all the time in magazines and shit, "Guys, are so afraid to even talk to me. Come on just say, hi." or "I just want a confident guy." well I am definitely not confident, so I must be out of the picture. frankly I think I have been brainwashed, beautiful women are unattainable because they deserve someone better looking, I honestly believe it too sometimes, I'll just look at a woman and say to myself that I am just not good enough, I don't deserve someone like that. I mean I have had the rare occasions that I was approached by the opposite sex who would have loved to date me but they were all fat and ugly! What that tells me is I am on their level, that I am fat and ugly. I am not trying to be shallow but I just believe you should get what you put out sometimes. I work to stay in shape so I want to meet someone who does the same, not someone who eats at McDonald's or doesn't know when to hold off on the buffet. Their were also on the rarest of occasions that I was approached by very attractive females, one that even talked to me for quite some time in store, and even though I felt comfortable and connected, I never asked for her number. I kick myself all the time for shit like that. Right now my brain is just stuck on the idea that she deserves someone better, a guy who has better hair or rippling abs. So ya I guess you can say that I have been brainwashed into the exterior attraction, but that is where I say on a partial level that you are wrong. I want to meet a woman who thinks, there is no way I could have a relationship with the little bitches that they have on shows on MTV, but there is nothing wrong with attraction to exterior beauty. I mean all these stupid people saying that its wrong, its just ridicules, you can be beautiful and intellectual, its just that celebrities like Paris Hilton, and Lindsey Lohan, and Jessica Simpson have brought beauty into being a target because of their huge acts of stupidity. Frankly I think the Hilton sisters are fucking ugly and need to be shot but thats just me.

Wow. Thats a lot to digest. I see your point though. So you said you fear society, but is it just women?

No, men too. There is like a new era of homophobia where anything involving another man can be construed to being homosexual, also the way a person acts, so I am constantly thinking way to much about shit I shouldn't have to. The way I walk, look at somebody, or dress, always concerned it could be construed to something gay, sometimes I'll over think the situation and give people the wrong ideas, that I am thought of as less than a man even. So I am concerned with how other men view me, I mean I haven't had a female relationship since junior year of high school and during my freshman year of high school, some of the chicks I was interested in, turned out they thought I was gay and thats why they liked hanging out with me when I thought they were interested, I even had a girlfriend at the time! And I am not really aggressive with approaching women so even some ex-friends of mine were suspicious of my sexuality especially since I had little history of relationships with women, no pictures or stories to tell. I don't keep any mass collection of porn, I don't openly gawk at women who are scantily clad like the other guys who might be with me, they just say "Who cares." and they're right. I mean I don't know that person and probably won't see them again but I just feel bad about it and I shouldn't, there really isn't anything wrong with looking. My dad is the same way, he will be like "Hey look at her!" and I am its not like I didn't or I don't, for some reason it just has to be obvious, and I mean a lot of guys including my dad will just be so loud about it like they want them to hear. Anyway, bottom line is that I love women but I am afraid to act on responses that are natural.

Well this has been quite in depth...

No not really.

Ah, well you have opened my eyes at least.

So are we going to stop the interview here?

Yes, this really has taken a lot of energy I am sure.

Well, I did just drink a Sobe eSSential energy drink, but I am starting to get jumbled with my thoughts so I guess it is time to call this one to an end. I do feel a bit better now though.

Glad to hear.

Ya but likely it will only last a few minutes.

Question to the people!

Now I know many have me blocked for obvious reasons and I hope some how this reaches you! I have a question for you! Why do you consent to murder?! Especially in situations in which a person of fictional authority commits murder? Why do you allow this to happen? I'll even go as far as to say that all of you who did not take action are complicit to such events or even an accessory to them if you watched the video in which this man was murdered by police!

Now police and their methods of brutality and murder has been around for a long time (centuries if you wish). They've murdered and bludgeoned many and yet when caught red handed - and the world to be allowed to witness - that not even my close family members who might know of such an event would even taken action against had they possibly known.

Again why do you grant your consent to MURDER?! The murder of a homeless man! Is it because he is homeless?! Let's remove that word and just leave it at man. That does not strike a chord? How about "son" like the picture states. "This could be your son." No not suggesting you dress up as a shirtless cowboy if you don't know as to what they are referring to. To clarify, what they are referring to is that this son of a Mother and Father this son of OUR SOCIETY was murdered by police! The death of THOMAS KELLY and the current freedom of his murderers is INEXCUSABLE as the the last unfortunate soul to meet his doom at the hand of an oppressor! This is a stain on our society and you should all be just as outraged less you have forgotten your HUMANITY and therefore lack that EMPATHY which makes you human and not machine!

  

Passionate Empathy

Passionate

"Oh but I am passionate. I send my money to those programs about the starving children!" And people will get angry if you confront them about this, "Oh well why aren't you doing anything about it!?" I AM DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT! But we can't do this alone. There can't be a lone wolf. There can't be a hero. There can't be a leader. Because when you have a leader you let that responsibility go. You let the responsibility go to that one person and you put yourself under a spell. "It will take care of itself. Just give it time. The next person we vote in will fix everything!" But of course he/she doesn't, and then you get older and you forget and you become stubborn no matter what walk of life you come from. "Didn't this happen before? Didn't that man I voted in, didn't he say he would do this that and the other thing that would help make my life better? Make the world better?" That's why you would vote somebody into leadership wouldn't you? But people don't even ask that anymore. They just ask, "Is he Republican? Is he Democrat? Is he this party? Is he that party?" Never really investigating what the other person running for office is saying and never believing anything negative about your leader even if your leader is delivering insults to you. When you do you really find it's quite similar like when Bush ran against Gore in 2004... They actually gave the same speeches verbatim. That doesn't creep you out? That doesn't make you think a little? "Maybe these people are just saying what I want to hear? COULD IT BE POSSIBLE!?" ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY MY FRIEND!

Empathy

WATCH THIS

This kid is so brave. I wish when I was his age I could have come forward with what I was confronted with. When you're bullied you kind of accept it as being normal. And people don't understand this has serious psychological impact. All the way into Senior year I was bullied. Most people just brush it off like, "Oh yeah, that's normal. There is always that kid or kids in that situation of developing. That's just normal. Everyone faces their own demons." Yeah well not very many like that. Apparently not something you would understand unless you were there. That is called not having any empathy. A very important part of human nature of what being human is. And if you notice in the world there is not a lot of HUMAN EMPATHY because as you can see to what we are doing to the planet and NO ONE GIVES A FUCK! I ask them why they feel this way? Does everything just take care of itself? Like a robot? Humanity is losing it's empathy and continued to being couched to losing it's empathy. That's why no one really cares why we go to war! Oh you care. You care right? When you look at the news and say, "OH HOW TERRIBLE! How could they do such a thing?" Without taking any action. Without even trying to change any part of your life except for what the television tells you. You continue to buy from sweatshops, buy from endangered environments, buy from slavery, buy from death! AND YOU EVEN KNOW THIS!!! And yet you continue to do it anyway.

Such a curse to lose one's empathy.

White People

Embodiment of an ignorant and spiteful white person.

It's truly white people and America who need to lead the way in fixing the shitstorm that's been created because, by golly, it's white people who made it and America is the only strongest nation for a unified people to come together and do it! Ya know (wait you don't), people like Henry Kissinger refer to a country like China as "The Great Experiment" but really, it's America that should truly be referred to as "The Great Experiment".

"How can we take people of different nations, ethnicity, culture, religion and throw them all together to make them forget their past, lose pride in who they were as a people, demonize their individuality and turn them into one automated machine?"

Because it's not just people of color whom The American Experiment has destroyed, whites have truly been victimized of their culture and dumbed down. Colored races actually should take pride in the fact that they still have more culture than most white communities in the U.S. though it is quickly disappearing. Anyway, just take for example the Irish...

Before they even immigrated to the U.S.A. their past history as a people was completely demonized. See, I don't see how people get sucked into a religion like Catholicism when those HORRIBLE MONSTERS leading this "religion" tortured your very ancestors and forced their ways, their view points, their SICK culture upon your people!

Anyway, Irish outside (or even inside) by and large don't know their native tongue and DON'T KNOW THEIR OWN HUMAN HISTORY! Just brainwashed to believe it was barbarianism and later simply forget all that was of their great people. Then they immigrate to the good old U.S. of A. where the brainwashed masses have been taught to ignorantly dismantle and violently assimilate any foreign culture into the Machine. So we have today large populations of ignorant rednecks (of Irish decent). Some still carrying the only piece remaining of their human pride and connection to a once vibrant past and culture long forgotten which is their family name.

 

 

Post Scriptum: My viewpoints on life have changed somewhat significantly since the publishing of this article an others. The reason why I keep articles like this is to demonstrate change, and breaking of conditioning, is possible.

The Tree that is Afraid to Bare Fruit

What is the conspiracy theorist agenda (with the exception of sensationalist Alex Jones and the like)? From my perspective and understanding it consists of mainly these things:

1. Free energy truth and for this technology to be implemented by public means.
2. Free/superabundance of food healthy for human consumption and proper diet. Superabundance brought about through use of existing public/secret technologies.
3. Free shelter for all peoples of the planet and proper facilities made possible through existing/secret technologies.
4. An economy that functions to serve the public and not the interests of those who manipulate it. An economy based off of superabundance rather than scarcity.
5. A fair government of public trustees that are entitled to nothing and interests belong strictly to the public. A government truly of the people that has not been superseded by foreign powers, families, secret organizations, corporations or banking institutions.
6. The end of all unnecessary wars and weaponry and involvement in foreign affairs which by no means serves the interest of a peaceful and intelligent people.
7. A society of common unity. A society that trust and serve each other as if each were them-self.
8. An end to materialistic demands that effect the way of a functional prosperous world. End of needless consumption and a well managed ecological society that co-exists with all life on this planet.
9. The equal pursuit of happiness without violating the lives of those to whom you share the planet with.
10. The possible preservation of a document which vaguely outlines a functional republic.
11. The end of religions. Spirituality and science come together.
12. The exposure of our true ancient past.

Now for my understanding of what the conspiracy theorist agenda is to the main stream media and those who swallow it whole:

1. Build a fallout shelter!
2. Buy lots of guns and ammunition!
3. Mock the lives of others who have suffered great loss!
4. Everything is a lie! We're paranoid and schizophrenic!
5. Plotting violent revolution to overthrow our government!

I think that about sums it up there.

There was more to add to this but I lost the inspiration...

That moment when...

What is the tipping point? In this decent... What is rock bottom? Shall we continue to watch as not so clandestine efforts are made to destroy us? The deliberate stripping of our rights. The contamination of our food. The arming, of what was once our public servants, to the point that such a force could fend off an invading ground force. Why is it our people cannot see the outrageous situation we have fallen into. More ammunition...

Innumerable coffins fit for a family. Food and resource prices climb whilist amount dwindles without wherefore. Soon our very life essence, which is the fresh water of our planet, will be decided upon. Will it be to your favor? Already discussed is who receives the best quality... This is truly my last year. I see little hope. Encroaching feelings of helplessness forever tormenting me over half a decade on such issues. Why must we continue so blind? Why must we continue so estranged like never before? How do we find our high ground? Sick. Sick of this.

I question the power of what our own consciousness truly holds. I did not look for this reality which has found me. Why did I see what I did in 2006 to lead me down this road? What of the world would be so different if I stayed in California all my life and grew up "normal"? Truly if I could forget all that I've come to know would my consciousness shift this reality into something more beautiful, like that of the Garden? Can I ignore it all and concentrate on the beauty of the world to truly change the bleakness of the planet? This I certainly wrestle with in my mind and for a second time, this year, I will make that attempt once more to see things in a brighter light as I literally experience the world this time not alone but in good company. God willing it is happiness I will find that will drive the evil from this reality which my consciousness may or may not have created.

Happy Birthday to me now let's fix the economy!

Yep it was my birthday on the 15th... I'm a little late in getting this post out.

Two revolutionary methods that can be used as two evolutionary steps in an economy to a completely free society. The first example will focus closer to the economy that exists today and is far more conservative and less radical than the latter. I've condensed it down to show just what needs to be done.

The first is less ideal than the second but again, this is a huge evolutionary step towards a more harmoniously funtional world.

If you wish to continue an economy based on scarcity there are ways about making it work to a point where a society can still function with a much lower impact to the environment and a higher standard of living for all and even bolster a more cultural society. Basically it all comes down to eliminating corporate monopolies and placing the majority of business in a region into the hands of those who live in that region.

Companies such as KFC for example would be forcibly consolidated into the confines of the state from which it has originated and so would be the same for any similar company or corporation. All would be kept within the borders of the state of its origin. This would allow a competitive edge for anyone trying to open a small business this would also allow for an abundant amount of diversity, entrepreneurship and the growth of rich communities benefiting from the lack of competition from huge corporations.

What good comes out of such a company for our society anyway?

Written into law would also be something such as the use of local business resources to further development. Only if the requirements of a developing business cannot be supported by the state can it reach beyond to acquire such resources. For example a specific fruit is needed that only grows seasonally in another part of the world (though this could be managed by high-tech greenhouses) or if the amount of steel needed to build a factory (which, such an example would be a common case) exceeds what the state can provide.

Trading of goods will be changed as companies are no longer allowed to have business firms or manufacturing outside of it's country or state of origin. For example all of Nike would be consolidated to inside it's state of origin. International trade would be maintained online and no retail shops would be allowed to be built outside it's state of origin. This does not however mean, in the case of Nike, that something like shoe sale shops would disappear. A shop could choose to exclusively carry one product or carry several as many do.

With such an economic model, the horrid nightmare of such business like Wal-Mart or McDonalds, would disappear. Possibly to be replaced by similar businesses but at least such would be limited to operating at a local level. Further regulations would have to be passed so that such distributors do not monopolize the region from which they originated.

The second economic model may be considered "radical" by some but it is truly the best model until society reaches an understanding of a truly free economy in which nothing is tagged with an expense. In this model, the economy is based off of superabundance and uses a sort of bartering system. It also includes braking up the monopolies and corporations as discussed in the previous model.

Hemp is a product known by many but as for it's uses there are few that know it's truly unbridled potential. Hemp has so many uses that one can only mention their general fields in order to avoid a list spanning thousands of entrees: medicines, food, textiles, paper products, plastics, body care products, construction materials, livestock feed, nutrition, essential oils, etc.

An economy that runs on hemp is an economy based on superabundance, because what have all economies run on in the past? Rare and precious metals or items of scarcity, truly if we can design an economic model based on something that hinders us we can surely design one that eases our way of life.

Now how does one place value in an economic model of superabundance. I'm no economist, but I believe this is where the "barter" system comes into play. I placed barter in quotations because this isn't truly a bartering system, however you are trading good for other goods. How does this work? Hemp replaces paper in the printing system. The value of the hemp dollar is printed in the dollar itself. Since this is an economy of superabundance, things become very cheap and affordable. You would not need to carry around hundreds of hemp dollars in order to afford something like say a new bicycle. Since hemp is now a hyper production resource, the cost of producing such items with hemp material is substantially lowered therefore you pay next to nothing.

Some sort of phrase would be printed onto the dollar regarding its redeem-ability for goods relating to the product. Now it's difficult for me to say how such an economy would be regulated. Anyone can grow hemp, the dollar would perhaps be easily counter-fitted. It is hard for me to work out alone, some of the areas in which this economic model would function perfectly, but I'm certain there are minds out there that can make this possible.

I assure you that both these models are entirely possible and all that is required is for people to first believe that it is and start talking about it. An economy based on superabundance. Thank you for reading.